So, you did it. You finally quit your job.
You probably feel relieved and happy, but you may also be feeling unsteady, anxious, and maybe even fearful, especially if you were in the toxic situation for a long time. And if you’re anything like me, you’re probably sitting there wondering why you feel so guilty about leaving a job situation that was wrong for you!
While I was at my old job, I often had thoughts like, “Why can’t I do this?” or “My coworkers can handle this, so why can’t I?” I was surprised to discover that these thoughts continued even after I had quit my job. Even though I was extremely relieved to get out of a situation that made me miserable, I felt guilty for not being able to power through it, push my feelings aside, and perform well. I’ve talked at length about why I quit my toxic job, but I haven’t discussed any of the shame or guilt I’ve felt even months after the fact.
How to Cope with Guilt after Quitting a Toxic Job
Remember your why.
While I don’t recommend sitting around and reminiscing about all the bad things about the job you left, it can be helpful to come up with some affirmations you can repeat to yourself so you don’t feel like leaving was a mistake. Here’s a few I say to myself often:
- “I was being treated poorly in that situation.”
- “I am in a much healthier place now.”
- “I deserve a work environment where I am treated with dignity and respect.”
- “My workplace will be okay if I am not there.”
Give yourself some time.
When I quit my job, I didn’t have another one lined up. I just put in my two-week notice, worked my last two weeks, and left. On my last day, the company was hosting a big job fair, so none of upper management or HR said anything to me when I left. I still don’t know if that was good or bad (I’m leaning towards good though).
It was so surreal that I didn’t have to go back that I didn’t know how to react. My body had become accustomed to feeling anxious and jittery because of work, so I was still in a constant state of fear. I had no confidence in my work ability anymore; I always felt like no matter what I would do, I was a terrible employee. If I had to drive by my old building (which was often because it was on a main road in my city), my stomach would churn. I often worried about what I would do if I ran into my former coworkers somewhere, if they were gossiping about me now that I’d quit, or if they were disappointed in me. My sleeping schedule is still not totally back to normal.
As much as I wanted to bounce back quickly after leaving that job, healing isn’t always fast and it isn’t always linear. You probably won’t feel amazing immediately afterwards and that’s okay.
Remind yourself that you’re strong.
It took me a long time to muster up the strength to quit my job. I honestly knew I didn’t like it in the first week or so. I chalked it up to not being used to the job responsibilities just yet. Three months in, I knew I needed to leave. But it took me another four months to actually get out of there, because I was just so scared! The fact that a workplace could completely destroy me in seven months wasn’t something that fully hit me until after the fact.
Giving yourself permission to leave any toxic situation takes a lot of strength. Realizing that you are allowed to quit a situation that is harming you is a strength in itself. Don’t forget that. We as a society perpetuate the idea that leaving a job that isn’t working out, or even acknowledging that your job isn’t working out, is a sign of weakness. And that isn’t true, at all.
Related: 10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Work Environment
You have no way of knowing someone else’s complete situation.
Remember when I said I felt like I was the only one who couldn’t handle the job? I convinced myself that was true and that I was a failure… when in reality, I had no true basis for those feelings. I had no idea if my coworkers could handle our job or if they even liked our job. But honestly? Even if I was the only person in the entire building who truly was unhappy to be there, it wouldn’t have mattered. The only thing that should have mattered was the undeniable fact that the work environment was toxic and negatively affecting my health.
Just because someone else seems happy, it doesn’t mean they actually are happy and it doesn’t mean you “should” be happy. You don’t have to feel a certain way just because you perceive someone else is feeling that way.
Don’t ignore the guilt.
You probably don’t think you should be feeling ANY guilt after quitting a toxic job at all, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore how you feel. I never expected to feel bad about the decision to quit my toxic job, because that part is never discussed. Allow yourself some time to process your emotions. Acknowledge and accept the fact that you might feel guilty even if you don’t understand it.
Trust that something better will come along.
There are tons of companies with tons of jobs out there– they’re not all toxic, unhealthy environments. You can and will find a job that suits your needs without making you feel like a ball of anxiety. Even if you don’t land the job right away, rejection is often redirection.
I hope this post was helpful for those of you who are struggling with guilt after quitting a job that wasn’t right for you.
Note: This blog post originally appeared on my first blog, The Vibrant Dreamer. The original post date is January 25, 2019
If you liked this post, I’d love it if you saved it to Pinterest!
Photo by Anh Nguyen on Unsplash
Thank you for writing this! I have been off on stress leave since August due to a toxic work environment. I cannot go back there so I am resigning immediately. I am hoping I find something in the new year. It was great to hear that someone else was feeling the exact way I am.
All the best to you and thank you again!!
Joanne
Hi Joanne! I’m so glad my post resonated with you. When I first left my toxic job, I didn’t see anyone else writing about this topic and it was something that was so prevalent in my life. Wishing you the best in your search!
I feel you
I just left my job and I was hurting for almost 4 years of people just treating me so horribly bc of learning disability and stutter and management Not doing anything or ever asking how I am doing the day I left and walked away from all the toxic people was the best day of my life I just don’t want to feel so guilty for leaving and not having something else in place
Thank you for writing this article! I just left my toxic job yesterday with no two week notice and I just feel terrible. I wish I could have given them the two weeks but towards the end my anxiety was making me physically sick every morning. I tried my best to explain my concerns only to be cut off and met with MORE things to do the following day. Some people just like to take take take and never give! At some point we all just need to step back and know our worth and move on. And that’s what I’ve finally decided to do! I hope I’ll feel better about the decision soon, I know that in leaving this job I am allowing myself time to find a place that appreciates my work ethic and fuels my passion!
In the middle of my two week resignation timeframe. And this article came at just the right time. I work for a school and I felt so guilty about leaving mid year but this is helping me to remember that I’m not disappointing me and that’s all that matters.
Wow! Thank you for posting this. I have debated on whether to leave or not for months now. And, made the decision to hand in my 2 weeks notice last Friday. Although the guilt comes from time to time, my mind is less fuzzy. I have nothing else aligned. But, I have decided to use that time to take care of myself and spend time with my family. Hoping this new year will be the start of a hole new life 🙏
Hi Bettina! I am so glad you put in your notice! It is a lot better to spend time with family than spend your time in a toxic workplace. I wish you the best in 2021!
Thank you so much for this article. It was what I needed to read this morning, as my situation is exactly how you described.
Hi Angie! I’m glad my post could help you. Thank you for reading!
It’s been a week since I quit my toxic work environment, after being employed three years. I am still working through feelings of guilt, actually afraid to experience happiness because I feel like I don’t deserve it. My husband is anxious for me to find another job, but I am burned out and don’t feel ready or confident to job search yet.
You absolutely deserve to feel happiness and I hope you’re able to let yourself experience it before finding another job. You don’t need to rush yourself when it comes to finding a job and it’s okay to give yourself permission to wait until you feel ready. The burnout won’t be fixed by seeking employment.
I knew I couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, so I came here by Googling something along the lines of “still feel terrible after leaving horrible job”, lol. It helped so much to read this. Like many others below have said, too – thank you so much for writing this. I think it’s especially worse for careers that are predominantly in fields respected as being “altruistic” or nurturing-type roles in society – in other words, those that are essential, overworked, underpaid, usually mostly female, etc., which also have a surprisingly high rate of toxicity in work environments (e.g. social work, nursing, teaching). I felt this way after leaving three jobs, in particular, that all fell into these types of positions. The first was case management for a youth homeless shelter, the second as a special education inclusion teacher, and the third and most recent was in patient registration at a hospital from November of last year to October of this year. On top of the feelings of guilt and shame over quitting in general, it was exacerbated each time by the fact that these sectors in particular are fantastic at systemically overworking you while hardly compensating you at all, and then placing the blame squarely on you for lacking better “self-care” when the entire system is usually very flawed at best. In terms of more micro-level day to day experiences, every one of these jobs came with bosses and coworkers who would scream at you and berate you incessantly, immense pressure from those you “serve” and from the community at large that’s enough to make almost anyone suicidal over time (the lifelong outcomes and potential consequences, students’ and patients’ families involved, etc.), long and often unpaid hours upon hours of missing out on any kind of life outside of work (e.g. I missed out on so much of my baby growing up, and I’ve lost touch with the majority of my friends as a result, too, on top of the isolation of no longer seeing the few people I did enjoy seeing occassionally at work – I worked 100+ hours per week on average teaching and still worried about being able to feed my family, while also still never having enough time to finish everything I was expected to do), the demoralization stemming from just knowing no matter how much you do and no matter how much you sacrifice it will never be enough to fix anything at the root of any problem because of systemic issues out of your control (and oftentimes that your job contract prohibits you from speaking out against or advocating for any kind of real solutions that would be meaningful), and a slew of other ways each of them were extremely toxic and wreaked havoc psychologically. But even knowing everything you’ve written here, which you did so eloquently btw, and even being so much happier to see my 2-year-old son everyday and to start my own business and to enjoy my current pregnancy (without throwing up constantly in front of patients and being told by coworkers, nurses included, to “Just shut the hell up already” when wretching uncontrollably, lol), it’s still really hard to not feel so much worse thinking “I quit on my clients/students/patients” (especially during a pandemic)… I’m really hoping I can move past it and realize it needed to be done in all of these cases, but it’s also hard when it’s happened more than once as it only adds to the negative self-talk, such as “Am I always going to be this miserable at every job I have?” and “Maybe it’s something inherently wrong with me.” I know each of these jobs sucked unbelievably so for others in the same positions too, because at least I had the benefit of them speaking with me about it openly and supporting my departure, and that coming from a lot of former coworkers I had. But this article did absolutely help, and I’m sure tons of others who read it will appreciate it just as much. Thank you so much again, and I wish everyone out there who came here because they’re feeling the same way the best of luck in finding the right fit from here, and I hope we all find relief from this ridiculous sense of guilt all the sooner! Take care!
Celeste, thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad my post could help you! I definitely agree that this type of behaviour runs rampant in women-dominated fields. Since writing this article it’s become more apparent to me that sometimes it isn’t just the specific company or even the specific facility, but the type of culture that has become intertwined with specific fields. As you mentioned, teaching is a good example of that– I am not a teacher myself but one of my close friends is, and is something I actually wanted for myself for a long time until seeing how terribly most teachers have it, especially during the pandemic.
@vibrantlune and @celeste
I resonated with the article and this comment from Celeste so much. I’m only two years into work. Graduated as an Occupational Therapist (also female dominated here in South Africa). I worked at a care centre for one year and I have given in a months notice. Unfortunately my timing was not “convenient” for anyone so I’m either being guilted by sly comments or being given the silent treatment by management which by the way isn’t a new thing, just something that got worse. My patients are elderly and they mean a great deal to me but I know I cannot continue. I did my absolute best to the point of even setting unhealthy boundaries and expectations. As I gain more experience working I realise that I do not want to tolerate that any longer which is difficult when innately you are a nurturing type. But it is time to move on. I don’t have a job lined up and I am afraid of being called a loose head because society perpetuates the idea that we have to stick it out. I know I will have to give myself a good talk every now and again to validate that I did do the right thing but it’s really helped to read what you both had to say!
Wishing you health and happiness wherever you are in your journey currently.
Being able to talk yourself through the situation is CRUCIAL. It’s hard not to let others’ comments get to you.
I didn’t quit my job..I am already thinking to quit from so long..due to family force m still holding this job.i have been hating this job since I joined but it increased from last 5years since I faced so many teasings, gossiping for doing my job efficiently and being staright forward to bullshit people.my dream is to be a cooking youtube r.which I didn’t start till now as I am a govt employee.can not start the 2nd income before quitting.even today m feeling so low , frustrated, completely under pressure which my family do not bother .Guide me !
Hi! I think if possible, you should try to find another job and work on your Youtube on the side. It seems like you do not have a lot of support from family who may be unwilling to help you in the transition if you were to quit. But I strongly suggest trying to leave as soon as you can, because you shouldn’t be teased or gossiped about at work.
Thank you for this! I am currently in a position where I am in a toxic work environment, and am trying my hardest to get out. I have only been here for 2 weeks but knew in the first day this was awful, and not for me. My sleep patterns are already awful, my stress is through the roof, and I’ve cried each night before bed because I know I need to go back to work the next day. 😔 Hoping to put my notice in by the new year! You gave me confidence to not feel guilty for doing it.
I think the sooner you can get out, the better! I stayed at my job for 7 months even though I knew by day 3 something was WRONG. Trust your instincts! Thanks for reading!
Thanks for this article! I too was at my job for seven months! I experienced a hostile, toxic work environment by 2 people specifically. Adult women bullies of the worst kind. I told my boss over and over. He never made any reports or write ups and this was happening to other employees as well! The worst thing is that I went to this school and got my education! I gave my 2 weeks and he told me I could leave on Wednesday and he will pay me for the remainder. 4 yes 4 reps quit the same month! I feel good about my choice but of course I still will need to find another job. Hopefully I can find a respectful and healthy work environment next time!!
Thank you so much for this. I couldn’t understand why I felt so sick to my stomach and guilty after leaving a job just 1 week in! I knew from day 1 my boss was toxic and I was being criticized for leaving a well paid job but I knew sooner or later I would become a target to this person. I hope anyone going through this finds the strength to stand up for themselves and walk away.
Sometimes you just KNOW! Or your body knows. I’m glad you got out of there so fast!
Wow. This is literally how I’ve been feeling for a while now after quitting my job of over 10 years. I didn’t realize someone else felt the same way! Or that it was common to feel guilt and what you said about the stomach! It’s like a PTSD-type of feeling! (Not to minimize or disrespect PTSD). And the feeling of being a failure. It’s there even when it was toxic! Thank you for writing this. I felt SEEN.
I had never seen anyone else talking about this before I wrote it! And I definitely agree with you that it can feel like trauma. I still experience anxiety related to that same job and I was only there for 7 months.
I came across this page after putting in my 2 weeks notice today. I’ve been at this job since June of last year. I definitely have guilt, I work in Healthcare and am fearful for the residents I am leaving behind. So many of them rely on me and they are the reason I have stayed so long. But if I continue to allow myself to be devalued and treated poorly my health will suffer greatly so I have to leave even if it is breaking my heart.
I completely hear you. I am a nurse and I just put in my notice from a government job I intended to retire from. I used to love the job. Loved. it. But the last few years, especially the last year, its become a nightmare. Not just from covid, but from all angles. Management is horrible. The staff is so miserable & burned out. Every shift works short & has worked short for pretty much the last year. A colleague committed suicide. Yes, you read that right. A month ago. And management said NOTHING. Resident care has suffered. Everyone is extremely depressed. I had to get out. I was and still am, mentally & physically exhausted. Super nurse. Everyone says “But you do your job so well!” Yes, I do. But I can no longer allow myself to be used, abused, and spent. In the end, it’s just a job. So I put in my notice, but now I can’t sleep. I seriously have PTSD. I had myself convinced that I needed that paycheck & had to work towards retirement no matter what. And that no matter what was about to kill me. So now I heal.
Spent 13 years at a toxic job. Was scheduled to retire in 2 weeks but this morning after going another stomach churning commute to my job, I realized I just did not have 2 more weeks of emotional fortitude in me. Walked out today. So glad I found your post. Thought I was loosing it when the guilt set in this afternoon.
Taking some courage from your video to quit my job today. I have been planning to quit my job because wanted to be free just like you and pursuing my passion. 🙂 It’s kinda scary given that I am a breadwinner but I can’t take another month at work that I knew I am not happy with and it takes a toll on my mental health. Thank you that I found you. 🙂
I put in my notice after four months at my job. This is the first job I’ve had, as I’m still a student studying. I hated every single moment. I’ve been treated poorly and my depression as become so much worse there. I was constantly reminded that my dad is the reason i got the job. I feel relieved for quiting, but my parents are so disappointed in me and it breaks me. I can’t go back either, because my mental health is important. This post really helped me to realise ot os okay to feel like I do, and that i will get better. I just hope my parents will soon understand.
Thank you for posting this. I just resigned from a job I started a little over 2 months ago. I knew from the start that it wasn’t what I thought it would be. But I tried to make it work. I put in the hours and tried to do my best. But last week, it became clear that no matter the effort I put in, it wasn’t enough and it became clear that it a toxic working environment. I mean we’re all working from home but it became all-consuming for me. After that, I just told them I’m leaving. I didn’t tell them it was because of the working environment cause I didn’t want to cause anymore drama. I just want to leave without any drama as fast as I can. Now I am now counting the days to my last day.
Thank you for your post because it made stop feeling guilty. I know I made this decision for myself, for my health and well-being.
Thank you.
Thanks for this post- I am a 23 year old sous chef and just put my two weeks in at a job where I was working 12 hour days with no break for days in a row. I always felt anxious and stressed, overworked and overwhelmed because I was always worrying about 24 things at once. I told my boss I felt overworked, he continued to schedule me for long shifts, so I put my two weeks in because I felt taken advantage of. I am now 9 days away from being done and I’m just trying to push through… but mentally, I am so over the job. It’s hard to continue to push through even though you still have to finish the two weeks.. pray for me!!!!
Thanks for this post- I am a 23 year old sous chef and just put my two weeks in at a job where I was working 12 hour days with no break for days in a row. I always felt anxious and stressed, overworked and overwhelmed because I was always worrying about 24 things at once. I told my boss I felt overworked, he continued to schedule me for long shifts, so I put my two weeks in because I felt taken advantage of. I am now 9 days away from being done and I’m just trying to push through… but mentally, I am so over the job. It’s hard to continue to push through even though you still have to finish the two weeks.. pray for me!!!!
Thank you for this! tomorrow is my last day & I am experiencing mixed feelings. Excitement, shame, guilt, extreme fear of the unknown…. Reading this has eased my anxiety and I believe I would finally be able to sleep tonight!
I just barely quit my job of four months after getting a new job for higher pay, work from home. The old job for four months had been toxic from the get-go. My coworkers constantly said the F-bomb every two minutes. They’d yell at the special needs adults, it was an in-home care facility. The coworkers constantly bullied me, and made me feel targeted whenever I made a mistake. It was all around draining. I loved the special needs girls who were my clients, but when the coworkers are just as draining as your clients, something is wrong. I put my two weeks notice in on Friday. I got my Covid shot yesterday, and stayed home from being sore. My anxiety went into overdrive. I had melt down after melt down, until I realized I couldn’t go back to work. So I told them. But now, I feel guilty, and like a failure because I didn’t finish my two weeks notice. Not sure how to overcome this problem, but your article helps a lot.
I have been in the military 15 years, earlier this year I was in a flying training program and the stress and pressure was so severe I wasn’t eating or sleeping and my mental health rapidly deteriorated. I removed myself from training for health reasons and since then have felt extreme grief and guilt and shame. It’s like I can’t forgive myself. I’ve been in therapy and trying medications and working on meditating and so many self care healing practices, I even found a new job with no flying that is much less stress, but the anxiety and insomnia and stomach pains persist. It’s been 9 months and I’m still struggling. I’m beginning to question this and why I can’t just give myself the love to say hey you deserve better you deserve respect and support and help and not to feel so stressed for a job. It’s hard when your body and mind don’t align, it’s like my body is saying something and I’m not sure what to do. But perhaps it does take a lot longer than I realized. Hearing these stories really helps. I’m putting pressure on myself not to stick it out until retirement in a few years, and I admit that adds even more stress. I don’t think it’s worth my health at this point, but I would definitely be remorseful if I lost my benefits after putting this much time in. I don’t know people do it. I’m so burnt out.
You might have adrenal fatigue which is a treatable/reversible medical condition that can occur to people working in constant stress. Talk to your doctor about it. I hope your physical stress gets better soon so you can focus on the mental healing you’re wanting.
I just left my toxic work environment yesterday, and I was wondering to myself this morning “why on earth have I spent all day in bed with earth-shattering anxiety?” I do not owe my workplace anything else !!!!! Thank you so much for writing this, even two years after the posted date, I am extremely grateful. This helped me calm down quite a bit, and I cannot thank you enough for your wisdom.
Oh wow this is amazing! I have been in two toxic work places-I thought the second was better but it was worse!
I have a new job now and the old me is coming back- I get thanked and praised for doing exactly the same as I was doing previously but was always being told I wasn’t good enough, belittled I’m front of my peers and basically made to feel crap!
The guilt that I failed is still there but how can I be doing well somewhere new when I’m doing the same???
Everyday I’m walking away from what was and starting to realise I was good enough and I can do it!!!
Thank you for this post which comes at a time I am experiencing all that you describe. I worked in a place which I enjoyed very much and to further my career growth I moved roles within the same organisation. I think this was a huge mistake as although it was the same company, it was a nightmare. I did manage to stay there 2 years however, it just got so overwhelming with no support that I was in a constant state of anxiety and fear and found myself working weekends trying to complete my workload. I was medically diagnosed with acute stress reaction and advised rest. I decided to move again within the same company. However, this time it was far worse as I understood the meaning of TOXIC workplace. During my first week, my supervisor was very condescending, treated me very poorly and it was like being framed/ set up for failure. I felt all my feelings such as fear, anxiety and stress re-triggered to such levels that I resigned from the new role within a month. This shocked everyone as I had done something unthinkable (quitting a dream job). I realised although I had been in the company for 8 years…the last 2 positions I held for 2 years and 1 month speaks volumes on how one organisation can have such different (toxic) cultures within different departments, especially since I really enjoyed the first 6 years in the workplace.
It has been 9 months and I still feel guilt and shame for not being able to push my feelings aside and just try to go on with it. I have tried to move on but the feelings persist and I do sometimes feel I didn’t have the strength like the rest of my coworkers and found it easier to quit. Since it happened twice, I was aware how it was affecting my health physically and mentally, but I still cant help but blame myself. I often find myself revisiting the scenarios in my head and trying to make some sense of it. Reading this post, makes me feel heard and that I am not the only one experiencing the same. Although today I feel unsettled I’m really hoping I can move past this some day. Thank you again for this post and apologies for the long note.
Thank you for sharing this! I am currently a caregiver to a very toxic relative who is also very mentally abusive. I recently was given an opportunity that would put me back in the work force, and be very beneficial to my overall career. When I brought forward that I was putting in my notice, this relative did and said everything possible, to belittle me, discourage me, and to try to convince me that this is a horrible mistake and will not work out, and not to come crawling back asking for my job back when I fail. And how badly I will regret leaving. Completely dismissive of the matter that I am and will be making a choice that will be in the long run, better for myself and them because I cannot fully give the care that he needs. He cussed me out completely, constantly yells at me for things that are not my fault.
I quit my previous job that I loved, because he was tired of his previous caregivers and complaining that he was tired of them quitting. And was trying to do him a favor. After being here for a few short months, I can understand why they quit. To make matters worse, this man is my father. I am a 27 year old college student, who did not have a lot of free time, who dropped everything, included a job I loved, that was paying for my tuition, to move in and take care of her sick father. And the entire time it has been nothing but mental abuse since the moment I got here.
Today I told him I was leaving because I received an offer that would be beyond stupid to pass up, because it is a great opportunity for me. I got tired of the mental abuse, being yelled out for things out of my control, not having the support I needed, not to mention having to drop out this semester, so I could take care of him, making next to nothing, so I could not afford my classes, and not being allowed to go anywhere in case he needed something, and constantly being told that I am not good enough, from my own father.
It was hard to hear these things, especially from my own father, but today I finally gained the courage to stand up for myself, and put him in his place. It was even harder to hear my own father say that he does not think I will be successful and this will blow up in my face. I am rather surprised that I don’t feel guilty by this choice, just angry at the fact, that my own father is not supportive, and expects me to literally spend my time here until he dies, which could be a really long time, knowing that career wise, I am on a time frame because the job I am working towards does not hire after a certain age. And I’m pushing that time frame to get into my career choice, and this opportunity will get my foot in the door.
Am I wrong to want to completely cut him off after I leave? I get he is my father, but it has always been this way and a person can only take so much.. I was so nervous to tell him because I knew how he would act, and somehow he acted worse. And yet I felt so much better.
I just quit a very toxic job on the spot yesterday . There was a valid fear of repercussions going to the head of HR with my company and that is why I didn’t put in my two weeks and just left. I was a manager and maybe it wasn’t the most conventional way to leave a company of 6 years but my leadership no longer supported me in my role but I feel all of those, all at once. Guilt and fear and joy all in one is incredibly difficult and exhausting. This post has really helped me find some peace and comfort. Thank you so much
Stumbled upon this article at the perfect time. Thank you so much for writing this, I felt like I was reading my own journey. I just hit 3 months with what I thought was my dream job… it has been an eye opening experience. I’ve decided that month 4 will be my final one with the company and the guilt of leaving my “dream job” has eaten me alive. Bringing disappointment is one of my biggest fears and I continuously think about what will be said about me after I leave. Thank you for sharing your experience. Those little affirmations will stick with me.
The decision to quit was made when I asked myself is it scarier for me to stay or leave? I always have the highest hopes when I start a job, put in my best effort, ignore when coworkers disappoint in a myriad of ways. But in the end I feel like a failure. I did everything I could to make the job what I needed it to be minimally. Quitting was unfortunately what I had to do. The hardest part is when judgmental people who don’t even know the toxic details make veiled insults or remarks. I wish society would instead say congratulations on having the courage and finding the inner strength, when your self esteem is at the lowest, to get yourself out of an impossible situation. Thank you for posting your experiences. It is reassuring to know I am not alone. Maybe it’s not just me!
All of this resonates with me. Thanks so much for writing about it!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I too am resigning this morning from a position that began as very toxic. Even though I was the “boss”, most of the team consisted of people who have been here for 20 years and had made game out of driving each new manager away through toxic bullying and disrespectful behaviors. I couldn’t believe it as I had never experienced anything like that before. I was also criticized by my boss for not being more assertive in dealing with it and so I felt like I was getting it from both sides of the fence.
Every day arrives with feelings of anxiety, emotional discomfort and at times worse. I am finally… finally putting my resignation in today to be free of this feeling of negative self worth, incompetence and anxiety that has become my ‘norm’. I have the support of my loving wife in this which makes it easier but it took me a while to get to this point. I am curious as to how I will feel tomorrow, and next week emotionally. I can only imagine that it will be much better as I begin to rediscover what being ‘me’ feels like again. I have forgotten.
Thank you so much for writing this article. It has helped me feel like I’m not alone. I have made the decision to quit a job that is toxic for my mental health and I’ve been wracked with all sorts of emotions after making the decision. I’ve always been taught to not quit till I have a job on hand, so I’m going against what I internalizad from a young age. A part of me feels like I’m letting myself down, but I also know how much this job has affected my mental health this year.