Are you feeling lost or stuck in your life right now? You aren’t alone, even if it feels that way. We all experience multiple periods of uncertainty in our lives. Even though you might be feeling lost and alone right now, with some introspection these emotions can help you figure out what’s next. Periods of stagnation in your life don’t have to be a bad thing.
You can ask yourself these questions when you’re feeling lost and alone to give you some ideas of how to progress.
15 Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Feeling Lost
#1. What don’t I want?
It can be a lot easier to rule out what you don’t want out of life if you’re struggling to figure out what you do want. There’s no point in running down a path if you aren’t interested in the destination.
Check back in with yourself frequently– this can change. What I wanted for myself two years ago is not what I want now. And what I want two years from now might differ from what I want now too. That’s okay! It’s also okay to change your mind about something you once felt certain about. Make sure you aren’t stagnating yourself just because you’re attached to your own ideas. As we grow and change, our dreams will likely grow and change as well.
#2. What am I happy about in this moment?
It’s so, so incredibly easy to fall into that “everything sucks” mentality, especially if you feel stuck or downtrodden. But if you can identify what makes you feel alive and fulfilled, you will have an easier time finding the path that’s right for you. Cling to what makes you feel the happiest and let that feeling lead you to where you’re meant to be.
#3. What am I good at?
If you can pinpoint what your strengths are, it can help give you a starting point of what to do next. It can also give you the confidence boost you need to start making moves. And if you ever start to doubt yourself, remind yourself of those strengths.
If you’re like me and have struggled with low self-esteem, this could be lofty task. A good starting point is to ask your friends what they think your biggest strengths are. Your friends aren’t seeing you through that filtered lens of low self-esteem that you may be.
#4. What led me here?
How did you get yourself into your current situation in the first place? Did you think you were on the right path? Were you completely happy, but something changed in your life that was beyond your control?
You ended up where you are now for a reason, even if that reason no longer suits you. Go back and re-trace your steps, but don’t dwell on the past.
#5. Where would I be if there were no limits?
Think about what your dream life looks like… what would you would be doing if nothing were holding you back? Take time to truly envision your dream life, right down to the smallest details. What neighbourhood do you live in? What do you do each day? How is your home decorated? What does your commute look like? What does your wardrobe look like? Do you have pets? Kids? What do you pour for yourself to drink after a long day of work? Don’t talk yourself out of your own thoughts. Let yourself dream freely.
Truly imagine these tiny details to the best of your ability. If you’re a super visual person, a vision or Pinterest board could help.
#6. Do I have a perpetually negative mindset?
Negative mindsets can keep us from seeing the opportunity right in front of our faces. They can also attract bad energy and toxic people into your life, and allow you to settle for less than you deserve. I’m not sure how aware of this fact we are as a collective, but others pick up on the energy we give off. If you’re putting out negative energy, you’ll attract more negativity into your life.
This absolutely DOES NOT mean subscribing to toxic positivity or overly new-agey spiritualism that does more harm than good. You don’t need to overdo the “positive vibes”, ignore your emotions when something is wrong, or ostracize your friend who is needy because she’s going through a hard time. But a pattern of perpetual negativity also doesn’t help you or others around you.
Start by making a conscious effort to counter any automatic negative or angry thoughts. “Is that what I actually think?” “Does this thought pattern suit me?”
#7. Have I been settling?
Are you settling for something, instead of going after what you truly want, deep down?
I feel like a lot of us don’t even know we’re settling for something. It’s easy to slip into complacency without understanding why we’re there. And there’s nothing wrong with being comfortable with where you are, but if you have that nagging, pulling feeling you might want to think about areas of life where you might just be settling.
A lot of us just settle out of fear… so you’ll need to challenge some of your belief systems.
#8. Am I afraid?
Are you afraid of failure? Of looking silly? Of judgment? Of ending up alone?
Trust that you have the power to let go of your fear. It doesn’t serve you, and only debilitates you.
If you’re having trouble letting go of your fear, try looking into the the enneagram theory. The enneagram is a personal growth tool that separates people into nine core types, with additional subtypes. Each core type has its own basic fear and basic desire. A lot clicked for me when I found out that I’m an enneagram type 4, and I found out my basic fear is being defective and inadequate. That knowledge, coupled with reading up more on my type, allows me to challenge and overcome those fears.
#9. What does my intuition say?
Are you tapped into what your intuition is telling you? Our intuition often knows more than what our minds are consciously aware of. Take some time to listen to what your gut is saying– it’s usually right.
#10. Am I worried about people judging me?
Do you already know deep down what you want but are terrified of your friends or family reacting negatively?
If you’re a family-oriented person, it can be extra tough for you to have those difficult but necessary conversations with your family.
But we don’t have enough days in this lifetime to allow others’ expectations of us to dictate what we do.
#11. Am I practicing self-compassion?
Stagnant periods often indicate we are on the verge of a transformation. They are a necessary part of life. If we were constantly propelling forward, it would honestly be exhausting.
Also, shaming or mistreating yourself can actually have the opposite effect. Shame rarely works as a motivator. Showing yourself patience, compassion, and love will have much better effects in the long run than being mean to yourself ever will.
#12. Am I being rash?
Be careful you don’t end up making a decision you don’t truly want out of boredom, or because you feel like you need to be a catalyst for something.
#13. Do I just need a break?
Are you actually stuck, or are you just burnt out? If you’re working yourself to death at a job that makes you miserable, not allowing yourself time to recover from a stressful situation, or in general just constantly pushing yourself without stopping to take a break, you may want to slow down and see if you’re actually okay with where you are.
Chances are, if you’re that burnt out you do need some type of change in your life, but it may not be feasible at present. Make sure you’re regularly practicing self-care, especially if you’re on the verge of a major burnout.
#14. Am I comparing myself to others?
It probably seems like everyone around you has their sht together, but I promise they most likely don’t! No one is routinely sharing their “failures” or their “boring days” on social media. And for all you know, your mutuals might think you have your sht together.
But seriously, the comparison trap doesn’t lead to anything productive. It only leads to you feeling bad about yourself. Social media makes this infinitely more difficult, because we’re exposed to so many people living the life that we want for ourselves. The minute social media stops being inspirational and starts making you feel awful, you should take a step back and log off.
It’s a little more complicated when you’re comparing yourself to your IRL friends. I’ve definitely fallen into the trap of getting upset because a friend reaches a certain milestone before I do. The best way that I’ve found to combat this is to allow yourself to truly feel happy for them. After all, it’s obviously something they wanted and worked for as well… so just practice truly feeling happiness instead of jealousy.
#15. Do I believe in myself?
If you don’t believe you can do it, you probably won’t do it. Not that you aren’t perfectly capable of achieving it, but if you spend all your time telling yourself you can’t, then your brain will find ways to reinforce that.
Believe in yourself, even if you have to fake it first. Even if it feels uncomfortable or like a lie. Tell yourself that you can do it, reassure yourself that you’ve got this, whatever it takes. Eventually that will feel more natural than telling yourself you can’t. It’s not going to be an overnight success, but it is a skill worth mastering.
I know it’s hard in this moment, but you won’t feel lost forever! Life is always moving forward.
Until next time,
Note: This blog post originally appeared on my first blog, The Vibrant Dreamer. The original post date is August 9, 2019.
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I love this! These are some tough questions that need to be answered eventually. Super helpful, thanks for sharing!
http://www.lifebeginsattwenty.com
Thank you for reading!